Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
