wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
