I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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