I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
