i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
