we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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