This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
