I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
