I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
