Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you win again, gameday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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