Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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