Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
