i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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