i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
