I got chris browned last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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