I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
