Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
