I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
