he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize