I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
