I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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