just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
