i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
