He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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