And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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