So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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