I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
