I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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