I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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