We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
