maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
