This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
