you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
