i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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