we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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