I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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