Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
