My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
