you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
