I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
