Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
a search helicopter?!
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
