Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My bed smells like the plague
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