i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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