my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
