dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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