You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Farmville is her only friend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
