Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
