I didn't shave. On purpose
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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