There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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