the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize