I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
