he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
