it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
