Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
