When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
