I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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