My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
