If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
be right there i have to get my cape
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
