she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
