I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
