Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
