She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
