Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
