shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
