i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
