He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
