Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
