This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
