hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
