i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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