mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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