Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
